So here's something you might not know about me... I'm an introvert.
Obviously, I'm getting better at this since I have a blog for the whole world to see, play on Twitter, and volunteer to go on trips to meet friends I've met online. Maybe some would call me adventuresome, but I'm still an introvert.
To me, this means that when things get to be too much, I retreat. And right now, it's too much.
Case in point: I'm trying to refinance my mortgage. This is problematic because I'm a creative soul, not a logical numbers-based one. So when I get two packets of legal sized envelopes filled with dotted lines to sign along with phone calls telling me the deal isn't on the table for long, I start to retreat.
I'm retreating from my story because it's become too much.
I'm retreating from Twitter for a while because it's stressing me out.
I'm retreating from some online forums I'm on because they stress me out.
But I couldn't figure out why I wanted to retreat from something that would save me hundreds of dollars a month.
Then I realized, I like to have an advocate.
When I switched insurance companies, I went to one down the street instead of an internet-based one. Might have cost a few more bucks, but in the long run I like knowing I have a person.
I think this is what's stressing me out about my refi--I need a person. I need someone who doesn't work for the mortgage group who can look at my stuff and say, "Yeah, this is a good plan" or "Yeah, you're getting hosed."
How does this come back to writing? Hang on, I'm getting there.
Last week, I was enjoying a glass of wine with someone when they suggested I go into self-publishing. It was meant in the most honest of intentions, but I still had to work to keep my eyes from bugging out of my head. Self-pubbing isn't for me. This much I know already. But why?
First off, I'm risk-adverse. The fact that I bought a house and travel on my own STILL boggles my mind. Second, and perhaps most importantly, because I need a person. I need an advocate who can say "Here's my professional opinion..." I need an agent, someone who works on behalf of the writer, someone who cares about my story.
Maybe this makes me sound all very childish and 'fraidy pants. Maybe I am. But I own it. I know I'm more comfortable when there's someone I can contact instead of hoping I decipher life on my own.
If you don't see me for a bit it's because I'm under my shell. I won't retreat for long, promise.