IWSG: March edition

It's very simple, this month's insecurity:

If I've been gone so long, can I return?
If I take a time-out, can I come back?
Will I be welcomed?
Probably. Likely.
But still, the fear and insecurity have kept me away.

How silly is that?

What can you do in 3 weeks?

Three weeks. 21 days.

What could you get done in 3 weeks if you set your mind to it?

Just about anything, right? I hope so, because that's exactly what I'm up against.

In order to use my 2011 NaNo CreateSpace code for 5 free proof copies, I have exactly three weeks to polish my book and send it in. Truth be told? 21 days is generous. My self-imposed deadline is Tuesday, June 26th, so three weeks minus one day.

But what if I can't do it? Do I draw the line in the sand and say, "Self, if you're not at Point X by Date Y, hang it up"?

In order to give myself the best possible chance of success, I am allowing myself some luxuries this month. In the month of June, it is okay to:

• Run the dishwasher more than once a week. If lil' ol me fills it up, this means I've been bringing my lunches and making my dinners = more money left over. Win-win.
• Skip trips to the gym. Something has to give.
• A 2-mile walk with the dog is enough exercise. There's a book to polish!
• Go 10-12 days between mowing the lawn. Yes, the neighbors do theirs every 7-8, but that's fine. I'm writing.
• Laundry. Meh. Not sure why I do it so often anyway.
• Say no to friends. Thankfully, they all know this deadline is upon me, so they're cool.

Okay, so I have it all laid out and you're likely thinking, "There's no WAY you'll fail!" Alas, I haven't told you the bad parts. 

I rewrote my story outline last night. It's tighter and cleaner and has less "fluff" than before, but it means I have a lot to do. And I'm determined to figure out how to use Photoshop or InDesign to make my cover (I'm proficient enough to screw things up--should be NO problem!) instead of using the CreateSpace cover generator. Finally, in a fit of insanity, I decided to fly out to see a friend in two weeks. He's helped with one of my settings and has offered to play tour guide so I can see it first hand. While I feel this is amazing timing and really quite fortunate, I just HAD to go schedule a 4-day trip in the middle of these sacred three weeks, didn't I...

What was I thinking?! 

Dear Insecure Writers Support Group: I'm worried that I'm going to put all this time and effort, and now money and vacation time, into a project that A) won't come together by the deadline, or B) will sit on my shelf for the rest of eternity because the book isn't "sellable." As a result, I won't be a writer, but instead, a pretender. In debt.

Commence insecurity-induced freak out. 

Unscheduled time out

I had great plans to write about my half marathon experience from last weekend. Alas, the logic board died on my computer and it has been sent out for repairs.

This presents an array of problems, most concerning to me is the fact that I'm an idiot and I don't have anything backed up. Saved? Yup--I save my stuff all the time. But that's not the same as backing up. In a separate, safe, accessible location. Lesson learned, but hopefully not the hard way.

So while my computer is at the Apple Doctor's office, I'm using a very old machine for work that doesn't like gmail, blogger, or just about any other site I frequent. I'm trying to stop by some blogs, but bear with me.

I hope to be up and running soon. And I'll have ALL of my files. (*Power of positive thinking.*)

[Seriously, folks: find a way to save your work someplace other than your hard drive. Dropbox, jump drives, gmail accounts, clouds, whatever. Do it. Do not put yourself in the position I am in right now where I am facing a worst case scenario that all of my books are gone. Yes, all of them. If you need me, I'll be over here in the corner with my dummy hat on.]


You tell me: How do you back up your work? Email? Jump drives? Any sites you like? Please share in the comments as this will be my #1 priority when I get my computer back!

UPDATE:
Thank you for all the positive vibes and back up/storage suggestions. I'm so happy to report that I picked up my computer the other day and EVERYTHING IS HERE. Commence happy dance, right there in the middle of the Apple Store. Yup, I'm that girl.

Everything is now safe and secure in both a DropBox account and a jump drive.

Killing my darlings

Confession: There's a 'darling' in my story and it needs to go. 

I had this idea on my way into work this morning but I'm torn. I mean, yes, I'm happy that I have a new idea to explore. But on the other hand, I thought this section was solid. I was happy with it and now here I am, tinkering.

Part of me says, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

But the louder part of me says, "It wasn't a waste of time. You needed that first idea to get to this even shinier one." Or something like that. 

I have loved the first line of my story ever since it popped into my head. I remember that proud smile and the inner voice assuring me even though OTHER authors are encouraged to avoid this tactic, that it would be okay for me to try it because I'm "special". 

I would like to introduce you all to the first line of my darling. I shall name it Original Opening Line.

"At precisely 6:38 in the morning, before the lingering night officially gave way to the eager day, David Fitzwilliam Fitzgerald awoke with a start and knew he and his mom were in danger."

I know, I know. Try not to steal my awesome run-on sentence prose. Or my catchy opening line that starts with my MC waking up. It's all so original, I know you want it. Who wouldn't? That there is literary gold!

Okay, all jokes aside, I'm killing it. Now. Today. I'm making this public announcement so I will have no option but to actually follow through.

And by killing it, I'm dropping the needle on this record in a different place. I have to start somewhere else, someplace where I can quickly show the relationship between my MC and his quirky mom.

I just can't help but feel bad. Like I've wasted time: my time redoing the section, my friends' time reading the section, time time time... Alas, I have a new scene to write and that is much more exciting than sitting around quasi-idle.

Off to the writing cave I go!

How about you: Have you killed your darlings? Did you make something better as a result?

IWSG: I'm a follower, not a leader

Dear Insecure Writer's Support Group,

I'm not really a risk taker, early adopter, or leader of movements. Instead, I'm more of a follower. For example, I waited at least a year before buying my very first iPod because I wanted to wait and see if this "mp3" craze was actually going to stick.

Then I figured, if everyone else is doing it, why don't I join in, too? So I bought an iPod (years ago), and now I'm joining the ranks of the IWSG (today).

Well, it wasn't that simple for me. You see, I've been following the IWSG for a few months now, but never felt ready enough to actually join in.

But then isn't that the point of the IWSG? If I don't think I'm good enough or ready enough to join an online support group of likeminded people who battle their own insecurities, well, then where do I turn?

So yes, after months of watching, it's official. I'm joining the movement. I'm not sure what I have to offer, but by default, I think my insecurities makes this a logical decision.

This week's Insecurities Du Jour include: queries, synopses, plot twists, and endings. Really, all in the life of a writer, no?

More coherent IWSG posts to come. I have another month to put something together. It should get better.

Maybe.

Hanging with the "artsy" kind and a dream

Last Sunday I attended MinnPost's Book Club Blast at the Loft Literary Center in Minneapolis, MN.

I arrived early to grab some lunch and secure a parking spot, then made it up to the second floor where author Kate DiCamillo was speaking. I took my token seat in the back row and watched the predominantly older crowd file in while playing Whack-A-Mole with my insecurities.

Source

I shouldn't be here.
Whack!

I'm not a real writer
Whack!

I don't belong here.
Whack!


My inner writer soon started overpowering my inner critic and I pulled out my notebook and pen. This place was a people-watching GOLDMINE!

I was surrounded by men in black turtle neck sweaters and women with knee-high boots, leggings, and matching black shawls or brightly colored scarves. These women wore fascinating jewelry: chunky rings, abstract necklaces, and large, dangling earrings. They sported colorful rimmed glasses with pink, glossy lips and perfectly colored hair--except for the token strand of grey hair in the front. Yeah, real natural.

I quickly realized why I felt like I didn't fit it. I had jeans with a hole in the knee, my running shoes (was heading to the gym directly after), a Rockband t-shirt, and my hair in a pony. Clearly, I didn't get the "Dress artsy" memo. I will consider this a very early lesson learned and will dress accordingly at my next writing event, whenever that may be.

But when I finished people-watching, I had an even bigger realization. Here's the direct quote from my writing journal:

"If I ever have a book release party, I want it to be at The Loft. I want to have the Target Theater for a reading. I want it to be a special event where my mom flies up and my friends sit in the seats, eager to share in my excitement. But first, I write."

The $10 entry fee, the self doubt, the hidden seat it the back... it was all worth it for that one moment when I visualized my dream coming true. The reality will likely be much smaller. If the day comes that I have a book release party, I'm pretty sure it won't include a reading in the Target Theater.

That's okay, though. Dreams are free.

How about you? Have you attended an event just to realize you were under dressed? Or do you dress differently for writing events?

First, some housekeeping: I hit a blog milestone on Monday with my 101st post. On Tuesday, I hit another--100 followers. One hundred! Thank you, Sandra Patterson! Now, if anyone needs me, I'll be in the corner laughing manically and likely crying as I try to think of witty things to share...

On to the post!

Jury of my peers--Be nice, please?!

In six weeks, I will sit in a room in Las Vegas with my writing peers.

I will listen and scribble mad notes while two of them critique my work.

A jury of my peers: no longer online, faceless avatars, but people I consider my friends.

I'm scared.

I'm not afraid they'll be mean. These are my friends and I know they'll be nice. But they will also be honest, which is the point.

As many of you know, it's been a tricky few weeks in my writing life. After all the pages in all the stories I've written, I feel like I can better identify my weaknesses. This is a good thing--it means I'm learning.

It also means I have a long road ahead.

Yet, in the past week your comments to my blog questions have put my story (and my frame of mind) back on track. I feel so energized to write that I want to take a sick day and camp out with a pot of coffee and my computer. I want to prove to all of you that I'm not really this ridiculous of a writer. I want you to know I've listened to your questions, considered my story from the angles you helped me see, and I want my story to be all the better as a result. Especially six weeks from now.

Knowing friends will read my story ups the ante even though it shouldn't. Feedback is feedback, whether from my mom, an agent, a friend, or someone I've never met. But I feel an extra dose of motivation to put my best foot forward on this first impression.

How about you: Do you feel extra pressure when showing work to other writers?