IWSG: March edition

It's very simple, this month's insecurity:

If I've been gone so long, can I return?
If I take a time-out, can I come back?
Will I be welcomed?
Probably. Likely.
But still, the fear and insecurity have kept me away.

How silly is that?

IWSG: As The World Turns

Happy first Wednesday of the month, world! That means it's time for the Insecure Writer's Support Group, a fabu resource that I've been remiss in joining, lately. Sorry. :(

News alert, guys: The world goes on.

Shocking, I know.

But I spend far too much time worrying about what everyone else is doing, and not focusing on myself. [And I just had a Holy Crap Moment because that is EXACTLY what my teachers used to put on my report cards when I was in elementary school. Apparently, I haven't grown up...]

This started earlier in the week when a friend who has never expressed an interest in writing informed me that she had an idea for a 3-book children's self-help series. When we got off the phone on Monday, her plan was to finish writing the first book, outline the other two, and get her query letter done... all by the weekend. If an agent isn't interested, that's okay. She'll print her own copies and distribute to major opinion leaders she thinks will be interested. Have I mentioned that she's never written anything before in her life?

I wasted SO MUCH MENTAL ENERGY thinking about the audacity of the entire situation. Who is this person to think they can just bang out a story and a query letter in 7 days?

Then it hit me: instead of stewing, I should be writing. Instead of being mad at her for feeling like she isn't respecting the process, I should acknowledge it for what it is--her dream and not mine. My path is different, and is paved with years of experience, research, reading, and the loveliest part of it all, the writing. I've put in my own work to reach my own dream and I'm grateful it's taken more than a week.

So I am trying to accept things that are out of my control. I am focusing on my own dreams. I am accepting that the world goes on. Authors sign with agents every day. Books are sold to publishers every day. Sitting around, fretting, stewing, and feeling the ugly fingers of bitterness and jealousy tugging at my soul is NOT the solution.

The world goes on.
Sorry if I don't notice it, though. I'm busy writing.

What can you do in 3 weeks?

Three weeks. 21 days.

What could you get done in 3 weeks if you set your mind to it?

Just about anything, right? I hope so, because that's exactly what I'm up against.

In order to use my 2011 NaNo CreateSpace code for 5 free proof copies, I have exactly three weeks to polish my book and send it in. Truth be told? 21 days is generous. My self-imposed deadline is Tuesday, June 26th, so three weeks minus one day.

But what if I can't do it? Do I draw the line in the sand and say, "Self, if you're not at Point X by Date Y, hang it up"?

In order to give myself the best possible chance of success, I am allowing myself some luxuries this month. In the month of June, it is okay to:

• Run the dishwasher more than once a week. If lil' ol me fills it up, this means I've been bringing my lunches and making my dinners = more money left over. Win-win.
• Skip trips to the gym. Something has to give.
• A 2-mile walk with the dog is enough exercise. There's a book to polish!
• Go 10-12 days between mowing the lawn. Yes, the neighbors do theirs every 7-8, but that's fine. I'm writing.
• Laundry. Meh. Not sure why I do it so often anyway.
• Say no to friends. Thankfully, they all know this deadline is upon me, so they're cool.

Okay, so I have it all laid out and you're likely thinking, "There's no WAY you'll fail!" Alas, I haven't told you the bad parts. 

I rewrote my story outline last night. It's tighter and cleaner and has less "fluff" than before, but it means I have a lot to do. And I'm determined to figure out how to use Photoshop or InDesign to make my cover (I'm proficient enough to screw things up--should be NO problem!) instead of using the CreateSpace cover generator. Finally, in a fit of insanity, I decided to fly out to see a friend in two weeks. He's helped with one of my settings and has offered to play tour guide so I can see it first hand. While I feel this is amazing timing and really quite fortunate, I just HAD to go schedule a 4-day trip in the middle of these sacred three weeks, didn't I...

What was I thinking?! 

Dear Insecure Writers Support Group: I'm worried that I'm going to put all this time and effort, and now money and vacation time, into a project that A) won't come together by the deadline, or B) will sit on my shelf for the rest of eternity because the book isn't "sellable." As a result, I won't be a writer, but instead, a pretender. In debt.

Commence insecurity-induced freak out. 

IWSG: I'm a follower, not a leader

Dear Insecure Writer's Support Group,

I'm not really a risk taker, early adopter, or leader of movements. Instead, I'm more of a follower. For example, I waited at least a year before buying my very first iPod because I wanted to wait and see if this "mp3" craze was actually going to stick.

Then I figured, if everyone else is doing it, why don't I join in, too? So I bought an iPod (years ago), and now I'm joining the ranks of the IWSG (today).

Well, it wasn't that simple for me. You see, I've been following the IWSG for a few months now, but never felt ready enough to actually join in.

But then isn't that the point of the IWSG? If I don't think I'm good enough or ready enough to join an online support group of likeminded people who battle their own insecurities, well, then where do I turn?

So yes, after months of watching, it's official. I'm joining the movement. I'm not sure what I have to offer, but by default, I think my insecurities makes this a logical decision.

This week's Insecurities Du Jour include: queries, synopses, plot twists, and endings. Really, all in the life of a writer, no?

More coherent IWSG posts to come. I have another month to put something together. It should get better.

Maybe.