Wednesday, September 7, 2011

First Campaigner Challenge

Rachael Harrie posted the First Campaigner Challenge! Here are the rules:

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.

If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)

For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!

I've never tried flash fiction before. Something about it intimidates me. However, the only way to get over your fear is to try it, right? Here's my story, weighing in at exactly 200 words. *high five*

I hope you enjoy my first attempt at flash fiction. If so, please feel free to vote for it over on Rachel's blog. I'm number 264!

***
Goodbye

The door swung open in the wind, the force of the gust taking him by surprise.

She froze, unsure of what to do, what to say, or how to feel.

“It’s good to see you,” he opened. She looked down, hoping her eyes wouldn’t betray her strong appearance. Not again. Not here.

“You too,” she mumbled. There was so much she yearned to say but the words were trapped in her brain, only to be unlocked after the moment passed. Later she would wonder, "How could you do this to me? Do you still think of me? Don't you miss me as much as I miss you?"

She watched him. He looked more vulnerable than she remembered and then she saw. He was afraid. The man who hurt her so deeply, who embarrassed her so severely, was afraid. The revelation brought small satisfaction.

“Here you go, thanks,” she said quietly, handing him the box.

He stared intently into her eyes, his defenses kicking in. “What? So this is it?” he challenged.

“I guess so,” she said, feeling the familiar prickling of inevitable tears. Please leave, she silently begged.

He turned, storming out of her room and the door swung shut.
***
Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed my first attempt at flash fiction. If so, please feel free to vote for it over on Rachel's blog. I'm number 264!

28 comments:

  1. Curious scene. Makes me wonder that the circumstances are behind these characters. I liked the internal dialogue, as wells as their interaction.

    Well done, TL! :)

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  2. Good job! I got a strong sense of the turmoil in the characters. I think they're divorcing or breaking-up? I want to know what happened before this!

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  3. It's all so interesting. I love flash fiction!

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  4. Great job. I could feel the turmoil yet I'm curious to why the character is ending something when she wants to continue. So common in relationships.

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  5. I love writing flash pieces and reading them. So much to make you think about in so few lines. Great job!

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  6. nice! I really felt the emotion. I wonder what was in the box, though. Just his stuff?

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  7. This is really good, I got the sense of conflict, and wished they would talk to each other.

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  8. you've never written flash fiction before??! Crazy! I love flash fiction, though it's been a good year at least since i last wrote any.

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  9. Nice, I definitely wanted to know how they got to that point!

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  10. Well done. I want to know what is in the box. Mine is #72

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  11. I enjoyed the emotion in your entry, TL. I could feel the woman's pain and you've done a good job of capturing her mixed feelings about this man, who obviously still means a lot to her.

    As a judge for this challenge, I’m delighted to say that you’ve been shortlisted to move into round two. Congratulations! :-)

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  12. I love the rhythm of this piece - you have a great voice! You portrayed the emotions of the characters so fantastically and I loved the MC's thoughts. Bravo!
    I'm a fellow campaigner - I'm not in your groups, but I wanted the fun of getting to know more writers. It's so great to meet you! I had a blast getting to know you in your ABOUT ME tab! You have such a wonderful voice - I love hearing you talk! You're so interesting, friendly, and you make me laugh.

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  13. Wow a lot of emotion packed in there-great story! I'm so curious about the box :)
    And thanks so much for stopping by and commenting at my site!

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  14. Will we ever know what's in the box? Way to build suspense ^_^

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  15. Nice! This was really suspenseful!

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  16. Breakups are always hard. But sad sometimes. Wonder what he did?

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  17. Very nice. Sad, but so intriguing. I was thinking the box was her engagement ring...I'm a sucker for romance; this gets my vote.

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  18. This was intense. You really got us into your character's head and heart. Loved it!

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  19. Thanks, everyone, for the supportive comments! Tara, I never thought about the box being an engagement ring box--I love the idea though!

    And Cally Jackson, thank you so much for the good news. It's such a compliment--thank you!

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  20. Nice! I voted for you, loved the emotion in this. :)

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  21. Hi TL! I've mentioned you on my blog and passed on the Versatile Blogger Award. You can find the info here: http://bit.ly/olQktt :D

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  22. Interesting stuff. I liked the sense of conflict in the piece, and I wanted to understand more about what they were talking about. If you don't mind one piece of constructively meant criticism, though, I find that for a piece so short, it might work better to have a consistent point of view, instead of getting thoughts from both people in the story.

    I'm in your campaigner group for MG/YA, so it's nice to meet you and I expect that we'll meet again down the campaign trail!

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  23. Very nice! Made me want to know more! :D

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  24. Yo. TL. Sarah (Falen) told me to come follow your blog, and now I'm glad I did! I grew up in MN, and I wish I still lived there.

    I also love your flash fiction piece. This one is great.

    Nice to meet you!

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  25. Kelworth--If you happen to see this, can you please email me? I'd really like to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind. I'll also pop by your blog to see if your contact info is there. But thank you very much for the helpful suggestions!

    Thanks, Kristin and Danyelle! I'm pleasantly surprised with how much I enjoyed flash fiction, especially with the 200 word limit. I might try this again some time!

    Hi, Matt! Welcome and thank you for following. I'm currently in my "I love MN" phase since it is nice and warm during the days and cold enough for another blanket at night. But now that I've bragged, it will likely snow tomorrow. C'est la vie!

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  26. You know what I love about flash fiction? It's short enough that everyone can come to their own conclusions regarding the backstory and what exactly is in the mysterious box.

    Like the weirdo that I am, I imagined that he entered a bakery and she was tending the counter. That they had once been lovers but now, he was engaged to another woman and he was picking up their wedding cake samples.

    Of course, this could have been derived from the fact that I watched 'Coco before Chanel' last night...

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  27. I like this a lot. It is almost a tale of a power shift and a bit of revenge for your protagonist. Well done. I like flash fiction that makes you think about the back story.

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I love getting comments. They're as much fun as getting real snail mail. So please, chime in and tell me what you think!

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